Bitter, Table for Two

My friend Eddie and I were recently discussing (via email, because we both spend an inordinate amount of time at sitting at desks) some of our pet peeves regarding Facebook status updates. We came up with a short list.

Facebook Status Updates We Don't Want to See:

1. Stay-at-home moms lamenting: a) their high level of stress; b) how difficult their lives are; or c) how much they need a vacation.

Are you kidding me? Let's trade jobs for a week, and then you'll THINK "need a vacation."

2. Incremental updates about the minute details of someone's life, such as: "Lisa is craving chicken salad for lunch," quickly followed by "Lisa is at the deli buying chicken salad," quickly followed by "Lisa is eating chicken salad like it's her job!"

No one effing cares, people.

3. People who don't work telling us how they're spending this beautiful day (e.g., taking their dogs to the park, tanning in the backyard, or cruising around with the top down).

Thanks for telling me how nice it is outside; I had no idea, from down here in my window-less dungeon office.

But we're not bitter.

Strange Things Are Happening

Well, it looks like Kenny and I are "in a relationship" now. No, we haven't yet proclaimed it on Facebook (which, of course, is the only way to make any relationship legitimate these days), but we did make the decision to Be Official at some point during his visit last weekend (undoubtedly while we were drunk).

Here we are at a really classy nightclub here in town (Purada), on the night before Kenny decided to shave his beard. All over my bathroom. It's okay, Kenny. Paybacks are hell.

I always wondered what it would be like to date someone who is really, really, ridiculously funny, and now I know. It's fan-freakin'-tastic. At least 738 times a day I burst into laughter just thinking about conversations we've had. Fuck Dane Cook.*

*I used to think that Dane Cook was my dream guy.

Kenny Is the New Cal

It’s déjà vu all over again.

When I mentioned before that I was going to Louisville with my friend Kenny this past weekend, I was using the word “friend” rather loosely. In actuality, Kenny and I had only met in person once, and that was almost three years ago. Since then, we’ve only kept in touch through occasional (and I mean very occasional) text messages. When Kenny (finally) joined Facebook a few weeks ago, we started chatting a little bit, and then out of nowhere, he invited me to come to Louisville with him for Derby weekend.

I know it sounds crazy that I would even think about saying yes. I mean, I knew this guy about as well as I knew Cal, when he and I met in Vegas and spent a total of six hours getting acquainted over beers before he invited me to come and spend a weekend with him in Southern California. Apparently, I'm a little more impulsive than I would like to think I am.

Here’s the backstory: During the fall of my second year of law school, Philly and I decided to go to Gatlinburg for a night and spend the next day shopping at the outlets in Pigeon Forge. That night, we went to the hip, exclusive (and by "hip, exclusive," I mean "trashy") nightclub Blaine’s.

And that’s where we met “Kenny,” a redneck-type from Kentucky who kept us laughing the entire night. We liked the way he talked. When it was time for Philly and me to head back to our hotel room, we made plans to meet up with Kenny the next day in Pigeon Forge for some afternoon beers.

After that second day, I never saw Kenny again. He's been in Gatlinburg a couple of times since then (his family makes an annual trip), and we always intended to meet up; it just never happened. I guess neither one of us forgot how much we enjoyed each other’s company though, because we never lost touch.

And that's how I ended up in Louisville last weekend with a bunch of strangers and one almost-stranger. Fortunately, I had an absolute BLAST with Kenny and his friends “Double E” and “Precious,” the truly awesome couple whom we stayed with. Kenny acted like a perfect gentleman the entire weekend (whether it was all an act remains to be seen), and he kept me laughing pretty much constantly (mostly with rape jokes).

Since we left last Sunday, it's become pretty clear that Kenny has “got it bad” (those are Philly’s words, not mine), evidenced by the fact that he sent me flowers at work on Monday, overnighted me a jump drive with his current playlist on Wednesday, and is coming to visit me in Knoxville next Thursday.

Am I excited? Yes. Am I happy? Yes. Am I worried that this might be a case of history might be repeating itself? Just a tad.

As you may or may not remember, things with Cal kind of petered out after he came to visit me for my birthday in October. So...naturally, I’ve been a little worried that these fabulous out-of-town trips with guys I barely know, followed by their visits to Knoxville, might be turning into a pattern for me. On the other hand, I don’t remember feeling quite this giddy over Cal.

Who knows whether Kenny and I will become “serious,” but I will say this: For years I've said that what I really want is a man who can make me laugh, and Kenny certainly does. He’s also the sweetest, most thoughtful guy I’ve ever known. (His spelling is atrocious, but what the hell, nobody’s perfect.)

It's definitely becoming a "situation." And I like it.

In other news, in a couple of hours, Philly and I are flying to down to Biloxi, where I'm hoping to spend the majority of the next few days here:

And if the weather is as good as it is in this picture, I’m pretty sure I won’t have the Biloxi Blues.

More soon....