In Case You're Wondering

I'm sure a lot of you are thinking, wow, Candy sure is nuts over this Kenny character...he must have some pretty impressive credentials.

And you're right, he does.

For starters, Kenny has informed me that, in 2007, he earned an Associate's Degree in Aerospace Engineering from Dartmouth University. At first I was a little skeptical of whether this was the "truth," because 1) I've never heard of an Ivy League school giving out an associate's degree, and 2) an associate's degree in "aerospace engineering" sounds a little fishy (although not as fishy as an associate's degree in marine biology...hehehe). But, when Kenny sent me a picture of this diploma hanging on his wall, I knew his story was legit.*

(click on image to enlarge)

Before attending Dartmouth for those four grueling semesters, Kenny spent a few years as a firefighter for the Madisonville Fire Department. And even though he never had the opportunity to fight any actual fires, Kenny did save a lot of cats who were stuck in trees, and he even once sprayed a cat out of a tree using the fireman's hose, which I, for one, think is a testament to how good his aim is. He also recently used his knowledge of fire hydrants to "borrow" some city water for his above-ground pool, which just goes to show how resourceful he is.

Since graduation, Kenny has been searching for a job in which he can put his aerospace engineering skills to good use, but as we all know, in this economy, aerospace engineering jobs aren't exactly easy to come by. So, in the meantime, Kenny has been working for the family business, which is an office supply store dedicated to selling giant checkbooks (for lottery commissions and the Publishers Clearing House) and jumbo pens, which can be used to write extremely large checks. The name of this business is Fatty's, and from what Kenny has told me, it's the second highest grossing company in Madisonville, right behind the Pinkerton Family Meth Lab.

Kenny is also an aspiring author, and like the true renaissance man that he is, he's combining his two loves, aerospace engineering and me, in an as-yet unnamed science fiction/romance novel about an astronaut named Captain MacDouglas Fawn who falls in love with a space attorney named Cammy Gardner. Expect to see this one on the New York Times Best Seller List sometime around 2012.

As if all of this weren't enough, Kenny is also an accomplished cartographer, as evidenced by this map that he sent me to help me find my way to his house in Madisonville, Kentucky. Not only did this map help me get to Madisonville, but it also taught me a lot about the town, such as that it is the best town on Earth, and also that it is where Kenny lives.**

When combined with his good looks, his sleek physique, and his rockin' sense of humor, Kenny's credentials truly do make him the total package. I am one lucky lady.



*Of course, according to Wikipedia, "Dartmouth University" is a defunct institution that existed only from 1817-1819, and the correct name of the Ivy League school located in Hanover, New Hampshire (Kenny was a little fuzzy on the location) is actually "Dartmouth College." Luckily, I'm not really one to split hairs.

**You can't see it in this version of the map, but the sign over Kenny's head (which, in my opinion, looks like a sawhorse but is actually an accurate representation of a sign in Downtown Mad-ville) states that Madisonville is the Best Town on Earth.