Drink, Drank, Drunk

Apparently, my dedication to blogging is inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol I drink. And after a few Old Style's at last night's Smokies game, I am not feeling very dedicated today.

Here's the deal, folks (I love calling people "folks," especially when I give made-up closing arguments in my bedroom to juries consisting mostly of stuffed animals...just kidding, I haven't done that since law school): I've been going out a lot lately. Sometimes on dates, sometimes with friends, and sometimes all by myself. (No, I don't really go out by myself. I just ended up by myself this past Saturday night when my friends, whom I'm now referring to as "Eddie and the Boozers," got "tired" and bailed on me at 11 o'clock. Which is how I ended up talking for two hours to Steve Dupree, whom I'd never met before, but whom I totally recognized from his articles in CityView Magazine and from his bit part in The People vs. Larry Flynt. It was an interesting evening, to say the least.)

It's just hard to be an avid blogger when your days are consumed with, well, consuming. And the nonstop debauchery will be continuing for at least another couple of weeks, as my schedule for the month of May includes (so far):

May 1-3: Going to Louisville with my friend "Kenny" (who might just be the funniest person I've ever met) for the Kentucky Oaks and the Derby;

May 5: Bebiendo muchas cervezas (for Cinco de Mayo, of course);

May 9: Hopefully going out with LaToya (all the LaToya fans can come out and get an autograph, or maybe she'll flash you a boob);

May 10-13: Going to Biloxi with Philly (fo' free!); and

May 16: Going to my nephew "The Denominator's" high school graduation, and getting him drunk afterward (just kidding, sis).

I swear I'm coming back soon. Or later.

P.S. I'm sure y'all can tell that I love giving people nicknames. Until recently, my favorite nickname of all time (which I can't even take credit for, dammit) was "SAM," which stood for Sexually Active Matt. After this weekend, I have a new favorite. "S.T.Dave". And no, I didn't bestow this nickname based on personal experience. It's based on rumors, which I find to be a completely reliable source.