Hairapy

Upon receiving some disheartening news on Wednesday (Slim apparently has a new girl), I quickly put in a call to the salon for an appointment with my "hairapist" on Thursday. I call Lisa my hairapist (as opposed to my stylist) because a visit with her is truly therapeutic. Sure, she does great a job with my hair (I wouldn't go to her if she didn't), but the real reason I keep going back is our conversations. Lisa is a veritable Relationship Guru, and boy did I have a few things to discuss with her this time. I started off by telling her about the hard times I've been going through, relationship-wise, which had led me to come in and get my hair done...and that got us to talking about how emotionally connected women are to their hair. For guys, getting a haircut is just another errand to run, like going to the grocery store or the bank. But for girls, a hair appointment is an EVENT. We think about it for days before we go ("What am I going to have done this time?"), and if it doesn't turn out like we'd hoped it would, we're pretty much devastated. I thought Lisa put it best when she said, "Hair is important because it's the frame around the picture...if the frame doesn't look good, then the whole piece is off!" I like that analogy.

During the three hours that I was at the salon (highlights take a long time!), Lisa and I talked a lot about relationships. One of the points that she made was excellent. I was telling her that the main reason I was so disappointed that things didn't work out with Slim was that, before he and I ever started dating, he had all these (really good) preconceived notions about me. I know this because he confessed to me in the parking lot at Toddy's one night that he had liked me for a long time (we barely knew each other, because he was actually one of my friend's boyfriends a couple of years ago), and that he loved that I was so smart and funny. I felt like a million bucks that night. But then, once we started dating and really got to know each other, I just never felt like I could live up to those preconceived notions. The more we got to know each other, the more I felt like he didn't appreciate any of the things about me that he had supposedly been attracted to at first. And that made me feel terrible about myself. (Why we let guys make us feel like this, I'll never know.)

Anyway, Lisa said that the problem a lot of girls have (including me, apparently) is that we don't realize just how shallow most guys are. We invest so much of our self-esteem in what they think of us, but unfortunately, we don't realize that they're too shallow to really appreciate our good qualities. Slim, she said, was at least "with it" enough to sense that I had a lot of nice qualities, but when faced with the reality of those characteristics, he didn't have the depth to truly appreciate them.

Girls, you have got to go see Lisa. She truly rocks. When I left the salon, not only did I feel ten times better about my break-up, but I also had a fabulous new 'do. She ain't cheap, but she's worth every penny.

Along with getting some Hairapy, my other favorite way to mend a broken heart (well, besides the obvious...by going out with other men) is Retail Therapy. Even though I had been to the new Steve and Barry's earlier in the week and bought three new shirts, I decided to make another trip to S & B's after bar review class yesterday. And I bought five more shirts and a pair of pants. I think I have what we call a "little problem."

One of the shirts I bought is a cute orange-and-white striped tee, which I thought would go really well with khaki pants and a denim jacket at one of the football games this fall. And this got me to thinking. One of the "incidentals" of living in East Tennessee (at least for girls) is that you're pretty much always on the lookout for cute orange clothes. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit how many pieces of orange clothing I've bought this summer, let alone ever. It's truly a disease, this "orange-itis." But if you've ever lived in Knoxville (or anywhere in East Tennessee, I'd imagine), then you know that, if it's a Friday during the months of September, October, November, and (maybe) December, you had better show up to work wearing something orange. At Buster Vinny & Buggs, where I'll be starting work after the bar exam, it's pretty much expected (maybe even required). At the city-county building, where Philly works, I'm not even sure you can get in the building without your orange attire. It's like an admission ticket.

And how funny is that? Around here, we could care less if you wear red, white, and blue on the Fourth of July, or red and green during the Christmas season...but if you leave the house on a Friday or Saturday during the fall, wearing any color other than orange (God forbid, BLUE), then you're just damn rude. And maybe this is why I love East Tennessee so much.

One other thing I'd like to throw out there: I tried to add Bobby Deen as a friend on Myspace. (That's Paula Deen's son, for those of you who aren't Food Network-addicts like me.) Who knows whether he'll even accept the invitation, but I just can't help but wonder what it'd be like to have Paula Deen as a mother-in-law. Hehe.

Steve and Barry...My New Best Friends

Of all the lessons that Philly has taught me over the years, I think the most important one is: Never pay retail for anything. Bargain shopping is something that has been ingrained in me for as long as I can remember, and I don't care if I win the lottery one day and become a multi-millionare...I will still refuse to pay $75 for a shirt that I know I'll only wear twice. Normally, my shopping sprees consist of trips to old faithfuls like T.J. Maxx, Marshalls, Burlington, and Ross (or, as Philly insists on calling it, "Ross for Less"), but yesterday I discovered a new mecca of bargain shopping, and it just might become one of my favorites. Steve and Barry's is located on Chapman Highway, where the old Walmart used to be, and I definitely recommend checking it out. It's a clothing and shoe store, somewhat similar to Old Navy, but it also specializes in collegiate sportswear (team t-shirts and such). My favorite part about the store is that it carries a line of clothing called "Bitten," which is designed by Carrie Bradshaw herself (Sarah Jessica Parker) and is CHEAP. Nothing in the entire line costs more than twenty dollars. If you're like me, and you appreciate nothing more than a good bargain, then you should definitely make a visit to Steve and Barry's.

In other news, I've been playing a lot of darts lately with my friend Scooter (at Toddy's, of course), and I am happy to report that my dart skills have finally reached the level of Not Sucking. I actually won in fourteen rounds the other night, which (if you've played electronic darts, then you know) is not too shabby for a chick.

With all the practice I've been putting in at the dartboards, my bar exam-studying has definitely suffered, but hey...at least I know where my priorities are.

I Want a Man Who... (Part 2)

Awhile back, I wrote a post called "I Want a Man Who...". It was a list (which I had originally written when I was 21) of attributes that my "Mr. Right" must possess. And after reading that list, someone, who will remain nameless (Ted), asked whether, three years later, I had any new items to add to it. At the time, I didn't. However, after my recent break-up with Slim (and several subsequent long conversations about relationships...in particular, a conversation I had with my friend "Scooter" at Toddy's last night), I now have some items to add.

I Want a Man Who...

1. Is ambitious.

In my original list, I said that I wanted a man who either had or was getting an advanced degree (at least a master's). And I still value education; however, at this point, I think it's more important to find a man who has AMBITION. I want to find someone who has a clear career goal in mind and is actively taking steps to achieve that goal. I definitely don't want a guy who just works somewhere because it's "easy" or because he's been too lazy to come up with any kind of long-term plan.

2. Has good table manners.

I'm not suggesting that I need a guy who is the epitome of etiquette; however, I definitely need to be with someone whose table manners won't embarrass me on a double date. And he must at least be aware that a different level of etiquette is appropriate at a nice restaurant than is appropriate at, say, Hooters (i.e., finger-licking is okay at Hooters; not okay at The Orangery). Unfortunately, most of the guys I've dated have been a little lacking in this area; I'm hoping that it gets better with age.

3. Is reasonably neat and organized.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the neatest person. Lord knows I try to be organized, but as Philly would (I'm sure) testify, I have a tendency to leave a trail of piles wherever I go. Which is why I need someone who is not a "piler." It's not that I expect someone else to clean up after me, I just don't want anyone who will add to my organized chaos. Again, this is an area that several of the guys I've dated have been lacking in, but I haven't given up all hope.

4. Buys me things.

Yes, I realize that I sound like a gold-digger right now. But I'm not talking about diamond jewelry. Guys don't seem to understand that it doesn't really matter how much you spend on a girl; what matters is that you were thinking about her and that you took the time to buy her a lil' present. I have never met a girl who didn't like to get presents (even small ones!) at any time, but for some reason, guys think 1) that they only need to give presents for holidays (birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries); and 2) that anything they buy for a girl has to cost a lot. They are sorely mistaken on both counts.

5. Has a "normal" work schedule.

This is probably the most important item on my updated list. After having spent the last few months dating someone who went away to work every week from Saturday morning until Tuesday night, I now realize the importance of couples having similar schedules. And because attorneys generally work 8-to-5-ish, I'd really like to find someone who keeps similar hours. It just makes for a much happier co-existence.

That's all of my additions for now! I'm sure I'll have more to add as I continue to date Mr. Wrongs....

Why We Don't Let Ron Burgundy Do Home Repairs...Or Anything, Really.

For the past several weeks, the electrical outlets in our kitchen have not been working. Or, at least the ones along the counter weren't working. Actually, I only found out about this little "situation" last night, when Ron informed me that he had finally called the electrician to come out and fix them. Although, I had been wondering why the coffee maker had been moved to the middle of the kitchen table.

Anyway, apparently Ron had checked the fuse box several times, but to no avail. He couldn't for the life of him figure out the cause of the power outage. So, this afternoon, while he and I were eating lunch at the kitchen table (with the coffee maker, of course), the electrician showed up, carrying all kinds of "equipment" and ready to address our Outlet Issue. He walked into the kitchen, looked at the first outlet he came to, pressed the "Reset" button on it, and said, "Well, your problem's fixed!"

I could barely keep from spewing my mouthful of spaghetti all over the table.

Bar Exam, Schmar Exam

While doing "research" for my last post (research which involved looking through the shitload of memorabilia I have accumulated over the past several years), and therefore not studying for the bar exam like a good almost-attorney would have been doing, I came across several of my favorite Real-Life Quotes.

Best Advice I've Ever Received:
"You can do anything, as long as it's not illegal, immoral, or fattening." ~ Claire's grandmother

Worst Freudian Slip:
"If you're not quiet, my roommate is going to eat me out!" ~ Candy (note: I meant to say "chew me out")

Most Politically Incorrect But Nevertheless True Statement:
"Tennesseeans love Rocky Top like a mother loves her retarded child." ~ Wes from South Carolina

Best Answer to the Question "What happened to me last night?":
"Well, let's put it this way. You're no longer a virgin." ~ Maggie, to a guy who passed out drunk in our motel room at the beach

Best Way to Insult a Guy's Package:
"Dude, I've smoked fatter joints than that!" ~ Anon.

Worst Question to Ask a Bouncer:
"Are you hard on ID's?" ~ Candy

Best Summation of a Modus Operandi:
"Beers in the shower, wine in the tub." ~ Candy

Worst Diagnosis of a Medical Condition:
"It's a Scooby Doo mystery!" ~ my oral surgeon

Best Prediction of the Viability of a Relationship:
"If we didn't meet at Toddy's, then, frankly, we don't have a future together." ~ Elizabeth Foy

Best Description of Boat Passenger Etiquette:
"Ass, cash, or grass. Nobody rides for free." ~ Evocati

A Sad Weekend for Legally Brunette

It's the end of an era. My best friend LaToya, who has lived in the same city as me for the past seven years, is moving to Nashville tomorrow. And it just now hit me how much I'm going to miss her.

In honor of her Big Move, I've compiled a list (with the help of my photo albums...without which I wouldn't remember most of college) of my Favorite Memories of Candy & LaToya. Being the anal-retentive person that I am, I've put the list in chronological order, starting with:

August 2000: Candy and LaToya meet for the first time, while moving into their adjoining rooms in Clement Hall. At the tender ages of seventeen (me) and eighteen (LaToya...or had she turned nineteen yet? No one ever remembers when poor LaToya's birthday is), they had NO IDEA that the next seven years would bring so many adventures.

June 2001: Candy and LaToya, along with some other friends, decide to go dancing at Lord Lindsey, where: 1) LaToya and the other friends (Jaime and Melissa) quite possibly have something slipped into their drinks; 2) LaToya disappears to make out with some Brazilian soccer player, leaving Candy alone to dance with a balding 40-year-old man; 3) Jaime drunkenly breaks up with her boyfriend (who also gets left with Candy and the balding 40-year-old man) and promptly disappears for several hours; and 4) Upon returning to their friends' apartment for an after-party, Candy passes out in the middle of the party (and will forever be known as the Girl Who Can Pass Out Anywhere).

March 2002: Candy and LaToya go on Spring Break to Clearwater Beach with their friend Lil' Mary and Lil' Mary's friends, Red Mary and Maggie. The entire trip is a BLAST, and the best group of friends ever ("The Fab Five") is born. The best night of the trip is "Wednesday Night," in which: 1) Candy spots five guys, one of whom is carrying a case of beer, and asks if they'd like to share; 2) Everyone immediately pairs up (naturally, Candy ends up with the only ugly guy in the group...because he was the one with the beer); 3) Red Mary pukes, rallies, and then makes her guy cry; 4) Maggie pukes and passes out; 5) Candy walks back to the motel room alone and proceeds to eat almost an entire loaf of bread (plain); 6) LaToya makes out with her guy on the beach and brings him back to the room to sleep on the futon (where he promptly passes out); and 7) Upon Candy's urging, the group begins covering Passed Out Boy with makeup, lewd phrases, and various Motel Room Objects.

May 2002: Candy becomes a "squatter" in LaToya's apartment for the summer, living in a room left vacant by one of the other roommates. Many crazy nights ensue, including the night in which Candy and LaToya bring their friend Yael back to the apartment and, after leaving Yael on the couch to sleep, they wake up the next morning to find the following: 1) Yael is no longer on the couch; 2) Yael's pants are wet and in the kitchen floor; 3) Every cabinet in the kitchen is open; and 4) Yael is sleeping peacefully on another roommate's bed, with his head at the foot of the bed and his feet on the roommate's pillow. Unfortunately for Yael, he was alone in the roommate's bed.

July 2002: The Fab Five goes to a Braves game in Atlanta. Lil' Mary drives everyone (including her boyfriend) to the game in her dad's minivan, and while stuck in traffic on the way to the stadium, Mary rear-ends the car in front of her. The lady whose car Mary "tapped" gets out of her car, walks up to Mary (who has gotten out of the van), takes a look inside the van, and asks (with a lot of hostility), "Are there no adults in the car???" The passengers are all in hysterics for the rest of the night over this question, as if Mary were a sixteen year old, transporting all of her not-yet-able-to-drive-yet friends to a baseball game.

August 2002: Candy, LaToya, and Maggie take a Back-to-School trip to Myrtle Beach. Best moment of the trip: LaToya has met a John Mayer-Lookalike ("JML") at the club and has brought him back to the room to make out. Maggie and Candy head to the beach so LaToya and JML can have some privacy. While on the beach, Maggie and Candy meet two guys from the University of Georgia, one of whom asks if he can use their bathroom. They say yes, on the condition that, the entire time he is in the room with LaToya and JML, he must sing the lyrics to Your Body Is a Wonderland. As he opens the door to the motel room, Candy and Maggie (who are standing outside the room cracking up, as if this is the funniest idea ever) hear, "There's something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face...." I don't think he could have picked a better part of the song to sing.

March 2003: Candy and LaToya go to Hanna's to meet Aubrey (the boy Candy is dating) and his friend Zach, whom Candy and Aubrey have planned to introduce to LaToya. While at Hanna's, Candy and LaToya get bored talking to Aubrey and Zach, meet two other boys, and decide to sneak out of Hanna's and take the other boys back to Candy's apartment. Unfortunately, they are "caught" in the parking lot by Aubrey and Zach. Fortunately, Zach was not discouraged. (He and LaToya are still together!) And Zach, if you're reading this, nothing happened with the other boys. (Wink, wink.) (No really. Nothing happened.)

July 2003: Candy-and-Bud Heavy and LaToya-and-Zach go to Atlanta to visit Lil' Mary and go to a Braves game. On the way back to Knoxville, they discover that Georgia 400 does NOT, in fact, run parallel to I-75. Seven hours later, they are finally home.

October 2003: Candy and LaToya are roommates once again, and Candy's friend Chad (who goes to the University of South Carolina) comes to town for the UT-South Carolina game. He brings his (Very Hot) group of friends. And they all stay with Candy and LaToya. Only one roommate actually makes it to the football game....

March 2005: Candy, LaToya, and Teeny go to Clearwater Beach (yes, we've been there a lot) for Spring Break. While LaToya and Candy are tanning on the "patio" outside their motel room (Teeny, no doubt, is busy talking to whatever guy she has met on the trip and fallen in love with...Joe, maybe?...and is nowhere to be found), an overweight middle-aged man comes out of his room and begins talking to them. He informs them that he is moving to another room, on the other side of the motel (a motel called "Gem Towers," which had exactly two levels...I'll never get over that one). Apparently this man is a long-term guest. After chit-chatting for awhile, he asks if Candy and LaToya need any extra food. "No thanks, we're good," they respond. Their polite refusal does not faze this man at all, as he goes into his room and returns with about $15 worth of groceries. He insists that they take the food and then tells them that they should definitely come check out his new room. Riiiiight. LaToya and Candy (still tanning on the "patio") watch as the man packs up all of his stuff and moves to his new room. And they are still tanning on the "patio" an hour later, when they hear the same man screaming from the other side of the motel, "CANDY! CAAAANNDDEEEEE!" Yes, Candy had been stupid enough to tell the man her real name when he introduced himself. She would never make that mistake again. Needless to say, the food went uneaten.

September 2006: Candy and LaToya go to the Strip to watch the UT-Florida football game. They have no intentions of actually going to the game, but they nevertheless want to be in the midst of all the festivities. They end up spending the entire day with two Florida Fans (the horror!) and make a not-well-thought-out agreement with said Florida Fans: If Florida wins, the foursome will go skinny-dipping at the guys' hotel. The girls soon realize that Florida is, in fact, going to win the game, and, having had no intentions of actually going skinny-dipping, they skedaddle. And, of course, they meet new guys to hang out with! Also, at some point in the evening (after several hours of drinking), Candy comes out of the bathroom at Bar and struts past the DJ booth (where her ex-boyfriend Bud is deejaying), only to later discover that she has no less than six feet of toilet paper attached to her shoe. At that point, a tequila shot was in order.

Of course, I have dozens (maybe hundreds) of other memories with LaToya, but these are a few that stick out in my mind. And hopefully we'll have many more memories, despite the fact that we have to travel to hang out now!

Because last night was LaToya's Last Night in Town, a bunch of us got together at...where else...Toddy's, to...what else...drink beer and play darts. All I can say is, after last night, Toddy's just won't be the same anymore!

Left to Right: Midge, Pepper, Frenchy, LaToya, me, Teeny

Bye, LaToya! See you soon!

What I Learned in Law School

Of all of the things I learned in law school, this is what I remember most: (sadly)

When writing (both legal and non-legal documents):

1. Never use the word "since" when you mean "because."
and
2. Never use the word "while" when you mean "although."


The reasoning: Both "since" and "while" have temporal meanings and therefore are not as precise as "because" and "although."

Thanks, Judge Witt.

That's Mucked Up.

So, I got conned into playing Texas Hold 'Em with the Family last night. The scenario was, my nephew's 16th birthday had been on Friday, and Philly and Ron decided to have a cookout at the house to celebrate. My nephew, whom I call "The Denominator" (he's a wrestler, and also a mathlete), is just like Philly in that he LOVES LOVES LOVES Texas Hold 'Em. It must run in the family, although I apparently did not get the Hold 'Em Gene. Anyhoo, because The Denominator was the Birthday Boy, we had to indulge his wishes, which consisted of: 1) Steaks for dinner; and 2) A Texas Hold 'Em tournament.

The thing about me and poker is, as much as I truly hate playing it, I'm also very good at it. But it really just bores me to tears, and this is something that Philly and Ron simply cannot comprehend. And I should add that, even though I know the basic rules and strategy of Hold 'Em (and am an excellent bluffer), I almost always pass up invitations to play. Because I don't like it. In fact, the last time I played was at the Burgundy Family Christmas Weekend last December, and that was only because we'd been passing around a bottle of Patron all evening. (Which I was washing down with Mountain-Dew-and-rum.) Bouncing off the Walls does not begin to describe me that night. But my point is, unlike my parents, who play poker more often than they shower, I play very rarely and therefore occasionally have to be reminded of some of the more nitpicky Rules.

For our Tournament last night, the Table consisted of me, Philly, Ron, The Denominator, and "Loos," my sister's baby's daddy. The buy-in was a hefty $2.00. Not surprisingly, after several minutes of play, Loos was the first one out. (He couldn't hang with the Big Dogs.) With the humiliation of being the First One Out out of the way (nobody likes to be that goober), I promptly began trying to lose. But, as usual, the harder I tried to lose, the better I did. Apparently my indifference toward the outcome of each hand was intimidating to Ron, because he laid down several winning hands when faced with my recklessly-high bets.

Wearing sunglasses so no one could see my "tells"

At some point in the game, Philly was uncharacteristically down to her last few chips and went all in on a hand before we'd seen the Flop. Ron decided to call her, and, not really giving a shit what happened, I called her as well. (The Denominator wisely folded his hand.) Because Ron and I had so many more chips than Philly did, we continued betting after the Flop and the Turn, until we had a pretty sizable side bet. When the River came up, I figured, "what the hell," and went all in. Well, Ron apparently decided that his hand wasn't good enough for that kind of betting and decided to fold. At which point (and let me point out again that I NEVER PLAY TEXAS HOLD 'EM), I triumphantly tossed my cards facedown on top of Ron's and began sliding our side bet toward me. At which point Philly triumphantly announced that, because I had forgotten that she was even in the hand and had inadvertantly laid down my cards, I had "mucked" (discarded my cards, resulting in me forfeiting the remaining, original pot), allowing her to keep all of our original bets.

Did I mention that the people in my family are Rules Followers to a Fault??? I mean, Philly was playing with someone (me) who had never even heard the term "muck," much less knew what it meant. I was (justifiably) pissed.

So I looked at her, made my Signature Gesture (a bird, of course), and said, "Muck you."

Despite my faux pas, Philly still went out a few hands later, followed shortly thereafter by The Denominator. Which left Ron and me to play heads up, something I hate more than even black olives, and that's saying a lot. Because he knew that I'd been trying to lose for almost an hour, Ron agreed to split the winnings with me, rather than making me play it out, giving each of us a whopping $5.00.

Which I promptly took to Toddy's and used to buy three beers. (You can't beat the prices at Toddy's.)

Incidentally, while I was at Toddy's, my friend Teeny and I played a couple of games of darts, which I enjoy much more than Texas Hold 'Em. And, much to my surprise and dismay, I discovered that, despite the fact that I am a Hardcore Lefty (I'm referring to handedness, not the fact that I'm a liberal...although that's true too), I can actually play darts much better with my RIGHT HAND! What started as a joke (my partner and I decided to throw away the game by playing with our wrong hands) turned into quite a nailbiter, especially when I hit four (count 'em, four) bullseyes while throwing right-handed.

So, to all my darts-playing buddies: You guys better watch out, because IT'S ON now!

I Swear I Have a Law Degree

Conversation between Philly and me while I was holding my newborn niece today:

Philly: "Do you think that ceiling fan is too much for her?"
Candy: "No, I don't think she's even looking at it."

My Fortune Cookie Fortune

I had lunch at Moto with Philly today, and when I opened my fortune cookie at the end of the meal, this is what my fortune said:

"You will pass a difficult test that will make you happier."

With the bar exam only seven weeks away, I'm banking on this one coming true.

Graduation and the Aftermath...in Pictures

In case you were wondering, I have not died. I cannot, however, say the same for my liver. It's been a fun few weeks since I last posted.

Here's a little summary of what I've been up to.

Friday, May 11
I GRADUATED, BITCHES! I don't even know why I felt the need to add "bitches" to the end of that statement, but I really like the way it sounds, bitches. Anyhoo, in case you didn't notice from my new tag line (the words that appear below "Legally Brunette"), I graduated from law school! Which means that for the first time in seven years, I am not a student at the University of Tennessee. Whoa. It's the end of an era. Even though I have an entire list of things I wish I'd done differently, I think the past seven years have been pretty awesome. Thank you, UT! Not only for the thousands and thousands of dollars that you've given me, but also for giving me confidence, new friends, lessons learned, great memories, great non-memories (from drinking too much, of course), and, most importantly (or maybe not), for giving me the education that I will need to make it as a lawyer out in the Real World. I can't believe I have to be a grown-up now!

At the Hooding Ceremony with Ron and Philly

With Slim

Graduation dinner at Copper Cellar (we've had two bottles of champagne at this point)

Wednesday, May 16- Monday, May 21
In keeping with my List of Places I Want to Go This Year, LaToya and I took a Graduation Trip to Clearwater, Florida. We took Philly along to chaperone (riiiight), and we had a BLAST. Some of the highlights of the trip include:

1. Meeting two guys at the Tiki Bar one night, and upon hearing that LaToya and I were a veterinarian and an (almost) lawyer, they responded, "That's perfect, because I'm an animal, and he's a criminal!"

2. Riding in a taxi with the WORST taxi driver ever (he did not use the brakes one time) and having the people in the car beside us yell to our driver, "GOOD LUCK IN COURT!" This was slightly unsettling for LaToya and me.

3. Meeting the group of men who were in Clearwater for a "Funvention" (which was the name we gave to their "work convention," because they had not made it to a single meeting and instead had spent the week fishing and getting wasted).

4. Finding lettuce in my pancakes at breakfast one morning, but being too hung over to care.

5. Not sleeping in an actual bed for the last two nights of the trip.

Needless to say, LaToya and I cannot wait to go back.

Dancing on our first night in Clearwater. I love Philly's beer grip.

The night we went to Tampa and went to the Most Crowded Bar I Have Ever Seen

Swimsuit Edition

One is never enough!

Thursday, May 24- Friday, May 25
On Thursday, Slim and I went to Atlanta to go to a Braves game, and then on Friday we went to Stone Mountain. Did I mention that Slim and I had gotten back together? I don't think I did. Our "break-up" back in April only lasted a couple of weeks, and things had been going well ever since. (Note that I said "had been going well"...not "have been going well"...but I'll get to that later.) Anyway, Friday was, like, the only day Slim and I were both going to be free for pretty much the entire summer, hence the mini roadtrip. I wish we could have stayed in Atlanta longer, but it was still really fun!

At a Braves game with Slim

View of Downtown Atlanta from our seats at Turner Field

Slim in front of Stone Mountain

Resting after we climbed to the top of Stone Mountain

Saturday, May 26- Monday, May 28
Memorial Day Weekend might as well be called National Kill Your Liver Weekend. Because, apparently, people drink a lot of alcohol in honor of the last weekend in May. On Saturday, Frenchy and I drove up to Norris Lake and went out on Frenchy's friend Meredith's boat. We had so much fun, and I even learned a new drinking game, Piffle. I spent most of Sunday recovering, and then on Sunday night I met Teeny at Toddy's. As you'll see below, the pictures from that night pretty much speak for themselves. On Monday I was a trooper (it was, after all, Memorial Day), and despite the fact that I had not made it to bed until five a.m., I managed to get up at 9:45 to go back out on Meredith's boat with Frenchy. Let's just say that a little Hair of the Dog was in order for Candy. All in all, though, I have to say that it was a GREAT weekend.

Frenchy and me on Lake Day #1

Drunk Munchies

At Toddy's with my friend Dothard

Teeny and me dancing at Toddy's (yes, we were those girls)

We've had a lot of beer at this point (I've been drinking Sparks, as evidenced by the orange tongue...and teeth)

Lake Day #2...that's me drinking my Bud Light through a straw...'cause that's how I roll.

Wednesday, May 30
Bad news. As I alluded to above, Slim and I broke up again. We were doing pretty well for about a month, but on Wednesday night the fit kinda hit the shan. And, as much as I wish things were different, I think we're broken up for good this time. Oddly enough, this means that my relationship with Slim both began and ended at Toddy's.

Thursday, May 31
Good news! I accepted a job! A few weeks ago, the law firm that I worked for last summer called me to let me know that they had a position opening up and that I should consider applying for it. Well, I applied, and now I am that firm's newest (and youngest) associate! Woo-hoo! I won't be starting work until late August because I'll be studying for the bar exam all summer, but I am really looking forward to beginning my career!

That's all for now! (And I promise I'll start blogging more regularly again!)