I'm Freakin' Out, Man

With the Bar Exam only a week away, I have officially entered Crunch Time. And as much as it sucks to know that the future of my career depends entirely on one stinkin' two-day test, I have to admit that I'm kind of enjoying my Study Period. Which is a good thing, because it's pretty likely that I'll be doing it again in six months.

For one thing, I study at home, rather than at the library, which means that I pretty much never leave the house. You'd think that I'd have Cabin Fever by now (this has been going on for about a week and a half), but I actually feel like I'm on a little vacation. And this whole not-leaving-the-house thing means that, for the past ten days (with the exception of the night I had to go to work for five hours), I have worn neither a bra, nor any pair of shorts or pants that didn't have an elastic waistband. Girls, if that ain't comfort, I don't know what is. Incidentally, the elastic waistbands are coming in handy, because all of this studying has been giving me an excuse to snack constantly. I'm beginning feel like that Chris Farley character on Saturday Night Live ("Lay off me, I'm STARVING").

Also, all this time at home means that I'm getting to spend a lot more time with the Animals. (I'm referring to the pets, not Ron and Philly.) I really don't know how people live without pets; they're a constant source of entertainment. For instance, I get highly amused by watching Missy (the cat) take a shit in the backyard. It's not so much the act of shitting that I enjoy watching (that would be weird), it's the five minutes Missy spends afterward, pawing at the grass in an attempt to "cover it up." I've tried to point out to her that the grass is attached to the ground, therefore her actions are futile, but I don't think she understands. She just keeps pawing away, bless her heart.

Another result of me having no real obligations or commitments (other than studying, of course) is that my sleeping schedule has become completely reversed. I'm not really sure how this happened, but for the past week, I've been hitting the sack around five a.m. and getting up at noon. I know I have to fix this by next Wednesday (or I'll never be up in time for the test), but I've definitely enjoyed keeping somewhat-odd hours. I've gotten addicted to this show on NBC called Poker After Dark that comes on at two. Normally I don't like watching poker on TV because there's too much going on at once (with multiple tables and all), but this show only has one table of six people. So you really get to see the players' personalities, which I spend a great deal of time judging. For example: "Total asshole, I can't believe anyone is married to this man" (Phil Hellmuth) and "Completely cool chick, I wish we were friends" (Jennifer Harman).

Lastly, I've enjoyed being a homebody because it has allowed me to indulge my Secret Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, a.k.a. my propensity for making Lists. I make these Lists during my Study Breaks, which are frequent and long. And it's not just To Do Lists...no, I am embarrassed to report that I have officially planned what I will be wearing every day for the next TWO MONTHS. It's sick, I know. But this is the way I've always been. I'm pretty sure I knew exactly what I'd be wearing to summer camp by February, back in the third grade. Needless to say, I'm not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-type gal. (At least not when it comes to wardrobing.)

On the negative side, I had my first freak-out dream about the Bar Exam last night, and I'm sure it won't be the only one I have during the next week. I dreamed that it was the second day of the exam (Essay Day), and for some reason the test was being administered in a GIANT living room. Everyone was sprawled out on various couches and recliners, writing furiously, and someone had left the TV on (we were in a living room, after all), which was blaring an episode of Full House. (Full House is being featured on Nick at Nite this week, in case anyone was wondering where that came from.) I got up from my recliner to turn down the volume, because I couldn't concentrate with that damn Mary-Kate (or Ashley) Olsen saying "You got it, dude!" every ten seconds, and when I did that, everyone in the room began chewing me out, like "What the hell are you doing? We were watching that." I tried to explain that I needed silence to write, but no one seemed to be on my side.

To make matters worse, the only paper I could find to write my essay answers on was a pad of Post-it's, and every time I tried to read back over my first answer (to see what I needed to write next), I could not seem to figure out which order to put the Post-it's in. So then I'd have to start all over, and by the time I finally finished my first essay, two hours had already passed. (The exam is set up so that you should spend roughly thirty minutes on each essay, so I was pretty much fucked.) At some point during this mess, it was time to break for lunch, and of course that turned out to be a huge ordeal as well...for some reason, I had decided that I wanted to go to a mountain lodge to eat, and by the time I got to the lodge and ordered my food (like, six entrees, naturally), it was time for the test to start again. So I didn't even get to eat, and then by the time I got back to the test center (living room), everyone else was almost done with the test.

Needless to say, I woke up feeling not-too-good about the Bar Exam. I think I'm suffering from an acute case of Text Anxiety.

And P.S., I promise to stop writing about my dreams (a somewhat boring topic, I know) just as soon as I have a Life again. Which (hopefully) will be in a little over a week.